| A buck short |
[Aug. 27th, 2011|01:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
How I wish you'd lied, or had been untrue
That you hadn't said: It's always you.
How I wish you hadn't held me all those lonely, lonely nights!
Makes me wonder, makes me wonder why I'm leaving you behind
And I know I'm going to see you down town
with a pretty girl, and you'll be holding hands
You'll both be laughing, and she will be wondering the same as me:
was I crazy?
You know I've got to be crazy for leaving you behind
I'm such a worthless being
Ruining all we've got for
some kind of feeling that there's more than this
How I wish there was more than there is
-Hello, Saferide
.....but really me |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2011|12:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Tallahassee, Fl | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | When I go down-Relient K | ] |
Starting tomorrow, one week left in this barren wilderness.
I can't wait to be back home amongst friends, amongst family, amongst Stephanie. I've been through an innumerable range of disparate emotions, and have generally been unsure about what I want. This is the longest I've been away from people I know, and without the motivation of meeting people(what's the point? I'll never see them again) I've felt more and more alone, hoping for a connection. This has been the most difficult era of my life, and I'm happy to begin the next. I'm happy to have a home.
I guess if I was exiled to mature and find myself, mission accomplished. Break open the champagne. Toast. I wish none of this was necessary, but I now give credence to the phrase "live and learn." I think I'll make a wise old man, one day. If I don't die a foolish death, first. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2011|08:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  jubilant | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Mixtapes | ] |
Looking back, I can't imagine a more perfect weekend with Stephanie, and there's nothing better than waking up with my nose in her hair. Not even pickled lemons. |
|
|
| It was sunday morning... |
[Mar. 16th, 2011|05:31 pm] |
... and I don't remember the exact time, but it was between 1 and 3 in the morning. It was also time to Spring Forward, but that was hardly what distracted my inherent nature to keep track of time. Kevin, Stephanie, and I decided to spend the night downtown, drinking and celebrating the end of spring break.
Stephanie and I had recently started talking again, and it almost immediately turned into multi-hour conversations online. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend of several years, and I was still reeling from my own breakup, so we had plenty to talk about.
She's one of those girls that you can't help but have a crush on, and because I can never help myself, I did. She's spunky, energetic, beautiful, and nearly always smiling, and being recently single I didn't want to fall into the insistently flirtatious crowd that had seemed to swarm around her, so I did a lot of tongue-biting to keep from being forward.
When I headed to Orlando, I was nothing but excited to hang out with her, for the pipe dream that something might happen between us. She seemed to like me enough, but I was afraid to misinterpret her actions, so I played it cool. I spent the first half of Spring Break in New Orleans with my old roommates. I wasn't able to talk to her the entire time, but I hoped she didn't forget our tentative plans to hang out together.
Friday was a great night, though. Our friends threw a party, and she went as Vivien Leigh, and I as Carl Sagan to fit into the theme "Dead Celebrities." We were glued to each other in conversation while slowly sipping away at our respective drinks(To be honest, sipping and slowly weren't exactly the words I'd use for my habits). Then we said our "goodbyes" and "see you tomorrows" and went on our way.
The next day we planned to go to I bar. Stephanie had promised to show me her hip-hop ballet moves, and I was determined to get Kevin to dance with the giraffe of a cougar we always see hanging around
We began drinking, and eventually I was primed enough to dance. We started dancing as a group, and somehow Stephanie and I migrated towards each other, and as our bodies got closer, so did our lips. And when they touched, I was so embedded in the moment that my mind never stepped back to look at the situation in surprise.
Later, we both agreed, that it was completely surreal. That we both had feelings for each other, and that it had culminated on the dance floor. All I can remember is dancing nose to nose and looking into her bespectacled eyes, and intensely kissing her. It was one of the most intimate times of my life, and we were both surprised when they turned on the lights, and we were one of the last people in the entire club.
We continued kissing under the bridge, next to her car. I asked her "what do we do now?" and told her that whatever she wanted, I was in. So we started dating.
I'm still having trouble believing it, and it's unfortunate that we'll only see each other a handful of times until the summer, when we both move back to Melbourne. I feel I've used the phrase ad infinitum, but we click so well, and on every level. I can't see a bad future for us. I've learned from my past relationships, enough to make this work, and I can't wait till we can see each other more often, and adventure, and travel together, and even just kiss her goodnight.
I've never felt this confidant and excited about a relationship from the start, before, and I don't see that changing. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2011|01:16 pm] |
Couldn't be happier, I guess it was in the cards.
More on that later, after a recuperative nap. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2011|03:14 pm] |
My birthday, Mardi Gras, and Spring Break are all on the same week, and I know someone who lives on the parade route in New Orleans. Hmmmm....
In Other news: |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2011|09:26 am] |
Things don't get better, they get worse,
At some point everyone will fail you,
Then you realize you've lived your life as a fool,
And then you die frustrated and alone.
That's destiny. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2011|09:27 am] |
Another dead yellow bird :/
Three birds in three cities. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2011|11:03 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Tallahassee, Fl-Home | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  empty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Lisa Loeb-Stay(came on in publix, now it's stuck in my head) | ] |
What did you do that brought me back?
"I wish you saw how happy you made me, you big buffoon"(Those resonant words)
I didn't find that note until after we had broken up. Several months after. And that was what I had wanted to hear that lead me away. That I made you happy. I knew it was only a matter of time before I came back. I still loved you, that never wavered.
You made me happy too. I wish you saw it. I wish I showed you.
It really was a relationship to be celebrated. But now you probably think of it as an inconvenience. How can you look back and see anything but how perfect we were together, and even at our worse things weren't bad, we were just stubborn. I was most of the stubborn.
And now I'm here, ready to compromise til my heart fails and my legs fall off, but you simply don't love me anymore. I've been in your shoes too, and if I could give any advice, it's that there's regret. Maybe not for you, but there always was for me. Though, you have a better grip on reality than me.
How can I win you back when I'm 5 hours away? How can I be strong enough to seem worth coming back to when I'm so alone and overwhelmed? And how can I have hope when you seem better off without me, and capable of finding someone new whose shoulder to rest your weary head on?
I run on hope, and now I've run dry. |
|
|
| Life, for the moment. |
[Jan. 26th, 2011|05:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Tallahassee, Fl | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Boxcar Racer- I feel so | ] |
School is killing me, and I know I need a job, but it seems like I'll fall behind if I don't spend my weekends studying or doing homework. But then again, without a chance to get out, I don't think I'll ever get my motivation back. Hopefully today is the day for that!
I've also been drinking every night. Not heavily, just enough. I can see the appeal.
I've decided that if I can't get straight A's this semester, I should give up. If I can't excel when I don't have a job or friends taking up time, then how will I even survive in graduate school? I've got to give it all I can.
Next week, after my 3 tests I will be able to relax a little. Molly, and possibly Kevin and Kristin should be coming up, so I can get in some adventurous bike rides with Molly, and drunkenly wander around downtown with everyone else. Bound to make friends that way!
I've also put myself on the market, through OKCupid(telling myself it's to help out Kevin's prospective website). I've been talking to one girl and our conversations just get progressively louder and more random, but I think I may ask her out eventually to an Indian buffet, since that seems to be the common interest we yell about the most. And Calvin and Hobbes and Owl sweaters.
And I'm going to check out the SLC this weekend. Free obscure and new movies in a theatre on campus! This weekend is House(a 1970's fantasy/horror Japanese film) and The Social Network.
And I got an offer to be a camera man for a month in Thailand using the Canon 7D shooting a pilot for a travel show. I don't know if anyone knows, but that would have to be my DREAM JOB(that I am currently qualified to do). I hope it doesn't fall through, and it works perfectly in my schedule. Also, all expenses paid. How cool is that?
Off to apply at Cafe Shisha, wish me luck! Or at least the power to charismatically dominate the interview. Booyah! |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
mrdecember's journal
optimistic
ecstatic